God is Faithful

In January, we found out were pregnant with our third (our second is in Heaven partying it up with Jesus). I’ve never had so many feelings in my life. I felt excited, scared, angry, frustrated, confused, eager, and blessed all at the same time. See, two days prior to seeing the double pink lines, my grandmother had passed away. Needless to say, I was overwhelmed with emotions on both ends of the spectrum.

Immediately I started praying. At first, I started praying for life. That this little baby make it. That prayer continued through the entire pregnancy. It wasn’t until about week 16 that I started to no longer dwell on the fact that something could “happen” and actually get excited about this little life growing inside of me and no live in fear anymore. From there, my prayers became a little more specific.

You see, with Cupcake, all I wanted was a healthy baby. I didn’t know exactly what to pray for. She was our first! However, because of my experience with Cupcake, I knew exactly what to pray for this time. Everything from a quick and simple c-section, to mine and the little’s ability to breastfeed, to sleeping through the night, to adjusting to new roles as parents of multiple children, Cupcake’s adjusting to her new role as a big sister….and the list goes on and on.

So you see, my prayers went from very board, to very specific. And let me tell you. GOD IS FAITHFUL.

He has answered so many of those specific prayers, its unreal. And I could not be more grateful.

Delivery – it was the smoothest it could’ve gone.

Breastfeeding – the little latched almost immediately. I haven’t had to pump to increase supply, no shields, no supplementing…a complete 180 difference between Cupcake and this one.

Sleep – well…you know. She’s only almost 4 weeks old. Ha! It’s really not that bad…it could be much worse. And she’s on a pretty solid schedule now, so I’m thankful for what we have. But don’t get me wrong, I’m looking forward to when she starts sleeping through the night.

Demeanor – she is so laid back. She only cries when she needs something, and I can usually figure out what it is that she needs.

Husband – being that we’ve been through this before, I feel we have been better about communicating both of our needs, and being on the same page.

Cupcake – this may be the hardest part. Her little world has been rocked. She loves her sister SO much. She is just trying to figure out how to share us.

All of this is in a nutshell. I know that my story is not like others’ stories. And we are very blessed to have what we have. All I’m saying is that God is faithful, and He knows what we need more than we think we do.

Worship Looks Different

These past couple weeks have kind of been a whirlwind. Baby girl number 3 was born, and our lives have been full of schedule changes, adjusting to new roles, and lanolin. It’s been incredibly humbling to embark on the newborn stage again, or as some people call it, the “fourth trimester”. This baby has been different in so many ways, but the stage itself hasn’t changed. Sleep deprivation, adjusting to a new life, and making sacrifices are among those similarities.

This past Wednesday, I was reminded of one of the ways we make sacrifices. Wednesday nights, we go to church. That’s what we do. We hang out with teens, worship together, and I’d teach a small group while Cupcake went to her own class. Well since this new baby came, I haven’t attended a Wednesday night. A week ago, I brought her to church thinking “she usually sleeps in her car seat, so I’ll just bring her for worship and then leave.” Well, she had a different plan. Her plan included crying the whole time. So we had to leave. Needless to say, I was disappointed.

Sunday, I dropped Cupcake off at church, then Baby and I went to run a few errands. I had Hillsong on my radio, and was singing along with it…meaning every.word. that I sang.

And that’s when it hit me.

I don’t have to be a part of corporate worship to have a relationship with God. I know it’s a “duh” moment, but I was so caught up in thinking about how I wanted to be inside of those walls praising His name. But the truth is that I was driving, with a sleeping baby in the back, and praising His name the same way I would be if I were inside of that building.

I was telling my husband this, and he brought up a good point. He said “I wonder of the Devil makes us think that we HAVE to be a part of church to have a relationship with God.” And I can totally relate to this. Yes, attending church is important. It’s hard to grow when you don’t show up. But, that’s not where the growing stops.

I’m thankful to serve a God that meets me where I am – even if it’s in my car running errands.

New Life Style

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It has been a little over a year and two months since we started attending Walnut Ridge Baptist Church.

It has been about a year and one month since we moved away from the place that I called “home” for most of my life, and ventured to a new town.

And it’s been one year since my last blog post.

So, instead of starting with the emotional stuff and adjustments and changes that have happened within the past 365 days, I’m going to start with a new adventure that I began about ten months ago. And that, my friends, is the adventure of essential oils.

When I first started hearing about essential oils, I totally didn’t believe they worked. Because, duh, voodoo. =P But one day while teaching, I felt myself getting a serious sinus infection. Usually, I keep OTC medicine handy to help whenever those lovely moments happen, but at this point I had run out. My coworker lent me her diffuser and oils that help support your respiratory system and within about an hour, my sinuses had cleared up and I didn’t need to go to the doctor at all. SCORE! So within a few months, I invested in a Premium Starter Kit, and have luckily had some awesome people to help me get started.

It has been so awesome being able to play around with the wonderful smells and mixtures to help support my family’s needs. From bug spray, to belly butter (for my grown preggo belly – yay for no itching and reduced stretch marks), I’ve thoroughly enjoyed this process.

I have success story, after success story, after success story of how YLEO  (Young Living Essential Oils) have changed my life, my family’s life, and my friends’ life. Care to know more? Please please PLEASE ask me!

 

To the 1 in 4 Woman

It was a Wednesday morning (about 3 months ago), and all I needed to hear was “this is normal” one.more.time. from my doctor. After all, I had been told the past two days that everything was fine. I heard the heartbeat both days, and everything was fine.

I left work a little early, and my husband met me at the doctor’s office. I was 95% sure that the doctor was going to tell me that everything was fine (again – for the third day in a row) and send me home (again – for the third day in a row). After all, the previous day, the doctor told us that once you pass 6 weeks and hear the heartbeat, the survival rate was already up to 80%. And I was told to focus on that. So I did. I focused on that while sitting the chair, waiting for my sonogram.

I lay down on the bed for my sonogram, and was asked “Have you been having a lot of bleeding?” I said “Yes, that’s why I’m here.” And she proceeded say one of the hardest things I’ve ever heard.

There is no sac…

                                                                          …and there is no heartbeat.

So we sat in the doctor’s office, myself in tears (as I am now writing this) to hear the doctor say that she’s extremely sorry for our loss. She said that miscarriages are very common (it’s actually 1 in 4), but that I would never know it because woman rarely talk about it.

And I get it. I don’t talk about it. Even writing this is gut-wrenching.

But. I am going to talk about it.

So. To the 1 in 4 woman – I am one too. My heart hurts, and it hurts for you too. I had (still have) so many questions. Questions that test and push and strengthen my faith, questions that have forced me to be closer to my husband and family, and questions that I will never have the answers to.

One thing I do know is that You are not alone. Grieve, and mourn. It’s a loss. A loss of a life. A life, people! A life! I never agreed with abortion, but I guess was never put in a situation where I had a cold-hard stance on it. Until the day that we lost our own. How in the world do women actually choose to end their baby’s life? I will never know.

And just as a side note, if you know someone who has experienced this loss, be sad with them. Don’t tell them how to fix the problem. Don’t try to push them to recover. Don’t send them a PowerPoint, or a video, or anything. Just.Be.Sad. Don’t say anything. Cry with them. Say that you can’t imagine what it feels like. Just mourn with them. One of the most powerful things that was said to me was (paraphrased), “Although I have never experienced this, I do know what it is like to love that child with everything you have the minute you find out you’re pregnant.”  It was written in a note to me, and I will never forget that.

-stepping off my soap box-

Anyway.

That’s a peak into what I’ve been dealing with since the beginning of May. And that is part of the reason why I haven’t blogged in so long.

I believe that there are some things that should be kept private, that don’t belong on social media. Between a husband a wife. Between a family. Between friends. But Sunday at church the pastor was talking about how we need each other for spiritual encouragement. And just last night I was telling my husband that I love hearing people’s testimonies. It encourages my faith, and it encourages others’ faith. I love stories of broken marriages that the Lord restores. I love the stories of addicts – of any kind – and how the Lord delivers. I love the stories of everyday “things” and hearing how the Lord is moving in their life.

I don’t want to keep my story a secret, in fear of being sad and emotions being raised to the surface again, if that is going to hinder someone else from healing. So I hope, and I pray, that my story and my life do nothing but encourage others in their faith. And that I lead a life of faith regardless of the circumstances as a witness to God’s goodness, and glory. But how am I going to lead that life if I don’t share my circumstances?

A week after our miscarriage, we found out we were possibly moving to Mansfield.

Needless to say, the past three months have been fast and furious.